When we are born we have no sense of self, no understanding of “who” we are, no individual identity. Theoretically, in psychological terms we could develop into anything human – male/female, brave/cowardly, expressive/introspective, etc. However, this doesn’t mean we are a proverbial blank slate that can be shaped by events into anything. Rather, our development proceeds in a manner consistent with both our external reality and our innate abilities and predispositions.
Take for example a fictitious newly born baby girl named Susan. Although just born she possesses obvious traits important to her future identity, most notably her gender. At the same time she is emerging into a world that already has expectations of her. Perhaps her parents see her as growing up into a doctor, for instance. There are also other more subtle outside factors at work such as cultural assumptions as to what a “good” girl “should” be.
As she matures and gains both knowledge and experience Susan will inevitably discover that some ways of behaving are more advantageous to her than others. Just what these are depends greatly on both innate and exterior factors. The point is that as she goes along Susan will be forced to take on these habitual behaviors – and the beliefs that justify them – as a consequence of growing into adulthood. We can’t as a practical matter be all things to all people. We human beings are limited entities with limited time to spend on mastering skills. As such we will quite unconsciously begin to specialize in those psychological attributes that give us the most bang for our personality buck.
In the case of Susan perhaps she happens to be unusually bright and studious, the sort of young kid with the potential to excel in school. Combine this support parents and teachers and Susan could easily begin to accept “bright and studious” as part of her self-identity. At the same time perhaps she inherently shy or at least has problems adjusting to social situations. Thus, even as she starts to accept the positive self-conception of being intelligent she may at the same time be accepting the negative self-conception of being unlikable.
As time goes on and Susan experiences more of life she gains practical experience when it comes to what works for her and what does not. At the same time the older she gets the more she will be pushed to adopt a definitive personality, something that gives her a sense of purpose and the ability to concentrate on goals of self-fulfillment. The more this happens the more her personality coalesces into a distinct entity to the exclusion of other possibilities.
Remember, when she was born her potential was nigh limitless, but as she specializes on a limited set of skills and personality attributes the more she disassociates from other sorts of potential. To put it more simply, the more some small set of attributes become “me” stuff the more that everything else becomes “not me” stuff. For instance, as an intellectual she may regard sports as wasteful, even boorish. Psychologically speaking she is distancing her self-identity from that psychic material she associates with sports.
It’s important to realize that this doesn’t happen consciously, but rather automatically and unconsciously. It’s not like she decided at age five to become an intellectual over an athlete. Rather, it was just where circumstances, social expectations, and her own innate capabilities led her. Quite literally by the time she gains the necessary self-awareness to start asking herself questions about who she is as a person she’s already made the fundamental decisions as to what that’s going to be!
Although she may be acquiring her adult personality unconsciously, in the process she is setting herself up for potential psychological difficulties. That is because in favoring some of her potential she is disfavoring other parts. That can end up putting the differing portions of her psyche in conflict – that is, neurosis.
More to come…
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